I Will Gladly Pay You Tuesday For A Hamburger Today......

Why, you may ask, am I quoting the great J. Wellington Wimpy?  Well kiddies, it's because I'm hear to talk about hamburgers.....sort of.


But first, a confession.  It is possible to live in a land like Hollywood and, even though a fiend for the history of the place, let certain historical landmarks slip through the fingers.  So my confession:  I've never been to the legendary Barney's Beanery.....until yesterday.

Early 70s looking much the same as today.

What a fool I've been and why, oh why, have I waited so long!  Maybe it was a hangover of feelings regarding 'the infamous sign' (though that was taken down before I even moved to town), but I'd like to think I'm not that shallow.

"Barney", 1964.

And besides, the story goes, Barney put up the sign in the late 40s to appease the LA Sheriff's Dept. and the Alcohol Beverage Control Board who where cracking down on certain 'behaviors' that were happening in certain restrooms of certain establishments all around town.  As there was a gay clientele that frequented the place between then and the mid 80s when the sign was removed, it's clear that nobody paid much attention to the thing.

What folks did pay attention to was great comfort food and drinks served up in an atmosphere of democracy that allowed no more special treatment to Lana Turner than was given to a local milk man.  Here (now as then) all customers are customers; and customers are king.

Okay, now that we've gotten the stupid sign thing out of the way, let's get into the wonders of this burger stand/road house/gin joint/billiard parlor/rock and roll paradise.  This calamitous cacophony of color!

Courtesy of Barney's website.

I was invited over by Barney's very own Historian (and part owner), Sheri Hellard.  Sheri and longtime server Dominique Kadison were my guides through this magical history tour.

Dominique and Sheri.

The first thing I was shown was the endless collection of license plates over the bar.

Back when this place opened in 1927, it was on the last leg of Route 66 and folks who were seeking a new and better life in the golden west began to rip the plate off their flivver and give 'em to Barney, symbolically claiming their arrival.  The gesture has continued over the years.

Along about this point of my visit, lunch was ordered.  Here's a little tip:  arrive hungry.  There are over 1000 items on the menu and you anti-gluten and anti-meat types will be just as satisfyingly stuffed as the rest of us.

For me, double cheeseburger with fries and a small side of chili please.

In this world of 're-imagined classics' it's really nice to scarf a plate of chow that tastes the same as it would have when it was made in the 30s!

I'm not going to go into a long accounting of the history of Barney's because I couldn't write anything better than Domenic Priore.  His article is on Barney's own website here, but I will share a couple of my favorite things from the place.  And I will also tell you that I'll be going back because, even though I was there for 90 minutes, I think I saw about 6% of what there is to see.


Favorite thing No. 1:  Morrison Plaque

The 'here sat Morrison' plaque on the bar tells only half of the story.  Jim left more DNA than just sweaty palm prints.  One night, in what I'm sure was performance art, Morrison relieved himself of the last half-dozen drinks on this spot.  Yes, The Lizard King peed on the top of the bar.


Favorite thing No. 2:  The not-quite-all-seeing-eye

Yup, it's an eyeball.  And, yes, it's nailed to the ceiling over one of the pool tables where, as legend has it, it was surrendered to the victor of a pool game when it was discovered that the One-Eyed Jack, didn't have enough jack to payoff the bet he'd just lost.

Favorite thing No. 3:  Table top Goddess

Once again, direct your eyes to the heavens.  Nailed to the ceiling to protect it from any further molestation is a former tabletop where is carved, "Janis Lyn 70"!  Anyone who knows me knows that Joplin has always been my forever number one.  And on the evening of Oct 3rd, 1970, Barney's was her last stop before boarding the train bound to Fabulon at the Landmark Hotel.

One last thing.  All things being in cosmic synchronicity in a place like Hollywood, at the same moment I was snapping the above picture, Janis Lyn Joplin was posthumously receiving her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Barney's rules.....peace out.

1949

Something To Know.....

There was a time before the interwebs, before television actually, that magazines were a major and constant source of entertainment and information.  Everybody subscribed, read and discussed the latest issues.

Magazines themselves were larger, heavier, more substantial than they are now.  None of this People or Us crap!  And many contained extraordinary cover art.

One of the best examples of this was a magazine from out here on the Left Coast.  It was generated by the American Automobile Association or, more specifically, the Automobile Club of Southern California.  It's name.......

Westways

1939

1953

1955

1969

1978

Nothing lasts forever.  Westways went to cover photography in 1981.  And while the Great Magazine golden era has passed, the venerable Westways  still  enjoys the 10 largest circulation in the US - larger in fact than People, Time and Newsweek!

Current Jan/Feb 2012 Issue

Why, you ask, the sudden interest in Westways.  Well I'll tell ya kiddies, for starters it's not sudden.  I've been a fan for years.  Oh, and also, the just called The Felix In Hollywood Tour  "The Real Scoop"!  Thank you Westways.

Lost.

I join Jason, Ayem8y and millions of others in grieving the loss of Teena Marie.  And of all her songs that I love and play, this is the one.  Her bio in three and a half minutes:  her ups, her downs, her devotion and her courage.  It's helped me through many a rough day.

Singer, songwriter, musician, arranger, producer, soul sister and Lady.  RIP.

So They Say...

Upon hearing of the death of Calvin Coolidge, Dorothy Parker quipped, "How can they tell?"  To which Robert Benchley replied, "He had an erection."

Robert Benchley passed away on this date in 1945

"Toward the end of her life she looked like a hungry insect magnified a million times."
Quentin Crisp on Joan Crawford

Quentin Crisp died on this date in 1999

Bye Bye Georgy Girl

I'm so sad about the passing of Lynn Redgrave who originally came into our field of view in 1966 with her extraordinary performance in "Georgy Girl".  I just saw the film again about a year ago, remembering how difficult it is to watch.  There's no one warm and fuzzy in the whole picture!  And Redgrave is so fearless in portraying a girl who continually subjugates and debases herself to her flat-mate and the mates boyfriend.  It's almost like shes inflicting this punishment on herself (that she seems to feel she deserves) for not being pretty.  Now granted, it's pretty easy to be unattractive in the company of a young Charlotte Rampling and Alan Bates; but still!

Her career had it's ups and downs, often taking a backseat to her more bombastic (and amazing) sister, but in 1998 she turned in another Oscar nominated performance in "Gods And Monsters", and suddenly she was hot again.  Her good fortune for that was my loss.

About six months before she did that movie, I met Ms. Redgrave.  I was talking to a friend of my one day, an actress who had worked with Redgrave on a TV series, and she told me that Lynn was teaching Shakespeare acting classes.  Now, I'm not an actor (on stage or in film anyway) but, as was typical of many people my age, I got through High School more on charm, manipulation, and jerking the system, than I did on studying.  Truth is, I didn't learn a damn thing and have the diploma to prove it.  The result is that Shakespeare has always spooked me.  The meter, rhythm, and language was foreign.  I didn't get it.  So when Cathy further explained that the classes were every Monday, they were open to anyone and they were FREE, I decided to go with her one Monday in hopes of finally de-mystifying the Bard for myself. 

Had Lynn been less lovely, less humble, and less perfect than she was, she would have probably explained that giving the classes was her way of giving back to an industry and tradition that she had inherited through bloodlines and that had become her life's work.  She never would have said anything like that, but it was entirely clear, nonetheless.

The class was held in a beautiful auditorium on the campus of the Motion Picture County Home (Old Actors Home).  Weekly, she hosted some 50-60 people, from young struggling actors, to residents of the Home who were wheeled in in wheelchairs, to other curious types like myself.  The 2 1/2 hour class was conducted as follow:  The first 20(ish) minutes she would give us a lecture on the topics at hand; acting and Shakespeare.  For the next almost two hours she had two wicker baskets, one for boys and one for girls, and if you wanted to put up a scene, you filled out a card with you name and the scene and put it into the basket.  She would call up a student(s) to do their scene, after which, with her keen eye, and encyclopedic knowledge, she would give you an almost line-for-line critique of you scene.  She would say things like, "Oh, when you did so-and-so, it was just so wonderful,"  or "On such-and-such line, I'm wondering, how would it be if you tried this--".  Always supportive, never mean, not like some teachers that friends have told me about!

For the last 15(ish) minutes she would do a scene for us!  Unbelievable!  Playing every character, she would ricochet her body around the stage emoting dialog as an ageing king, a mythological wood sprite, a 15 year old virgin maiden.  This would be done so rapidly as to make the dialog flow naturally and without pause.  Each character, fully embodied; all characters in a perfectly performed scene!

After my first class, we were introduced by our mutual friend Cathy, and Lynn was wonderful to me.  I, sputteringly, told her that I was not an actor and the actual reason that I was there and that I hoped she didn't mind.  She assured me that I most certainly was welcomed and that, if fact, she tought it was quite courageous of me to face down my fears of not understanding the material.  She also said that, actor or not, she'd bet that she would get me to put up a scene some day.  "Sorry to inform you love, but we'll make an actor out of you yet!"  I blushed.  I was 39 years old and I blushed.  The only down side was that attending required me to drive in LA rush hour from Hollywood to Woodland Hills, but really, not much of a hardship considering I was being Taugh Shakespeare, By A Redgrave, For Free!!!

After attending for about 5 months, she got the "Gods And Monsters" job, and as soon as that came out, it's like it shook Hollywood awake enough to remember that they'd forgotten her.  She became the hot flavor again for quite awhile.  Needless to say, there was never time to start the classes for her, and I never got to see her anymore.

But today I will take the opportunity to say, for all the performances I've seen and for the ones I haven't yet, and most of all for your insightful teaching and personal kindness, Thank You Lynn Redgrave.

Because It Simply Cannot Be Stated To Often

To anyone reading these words, You Are: