Felix In Hollywood

A Blog for the Smart Set

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Another Lethal Night With Jayne

Once again the beautiful and glamorous Donna Lethal opened up the Lethal House to a happy band of misfits hungry for pizza and monstrous movie malfeasance.  I am happy to report that all and sundry were more than satisfied -- on both counts.

The feature was called, "Dog Eat Dog" starring Jayne Mansfield and Cameron Mitchell.

What, really can one say about a nymphomaniacal, jiggling, over-ripe sex bomb(ed) with dead-Barbie hair whose favorite term for exclamation is "Crackers!"?  As in, "Crackers, you're cute!" or "Well crackers, what'd you expect?"  The word is, in fact, so overused that it has, no doubt, instigated it's own drinking game on certain lower renown campuses.

There's really no point in going into the plot as this would only dignify a falsehood that there was one.  You really only need to know that:  a.)  There were 3 listed (and apparently a forth uncredited) directors.  b.) Cameron Mitchell has a few extended scenes in which he destroys the contents of entire furnished rooms as though his very life depended on it.  c.)  With so many directors, continuity isn't, well, continuous.  Scratches, bruises and black eyes appear, disappear and reappear with regularity.  d.)  There is a very lovely girl fight between Jayne's character, Darlene, and one of the other actresses.  and e.) It's so wonderfully bad that serious discussion was entered into last night on the subject of doing a staged reading of it.  (Let me be clear that I will take no part in this unless I'm awarded the role of Madame Benoit.)

What more do you need to know before ordering your own copy.

Alright I'll treat you with one of the more unforgettable bits of dialog.

Darlene (to boyfried, he of the maniacal laugh):  Right now, I'd settle for a fresh lipstick and a new pair of panties in Teaneck, New Jersey!"  (crackers!)


7 comments:

Ray Ray said...

Is this available on Netflix? I will find out...YES, it IS available on Netflix. I added it to my queue. Sounds perfect for movie night!

TJB said...

Oh, how I wish I had been there for this Lethal Viewing!!! Seriously.

You know, I've actually sat through this atrocity myself, and found myself sort of liking it. If nothing else, it does have a certain kind of seedy, 1960's Euro-trash glamour, and Jayne, I think, looks quite beautiful.

Make sure you invite me when you two screen Primitive Love.

ayem8y said...

I recently drove along highway 90 from Biloxi to New Orleans where Jayne was killed. They say on a foggy night that you can see Jayne hitchhiking along the highway at the exact spot where she died wearing nothing but a bikini.

I didn’t see Jayne but I did see Brenda Vacarro at a fruit stand wearing a caftan.

Did I mention that I was tripping balls at the time.

Donna Lethal said...

EVERYONE must see this movie, or as we nicknamed it, "Cameron Mitchell destroys the furniture!"
TJB, when are you coming to visit? We are thinking of doing a staged reading of this. It really caused us to yell out, "Kids, I think we need to put on a show!"

Stephen said...

Crackers!
It is in my queue...

Donna Lethal said...

Stephen - don't watch it alone. You will need someone there to grab in shock at what you've just witnessed. No one will believe you if you try and tell them later.

kabuki zero said...

Where was this picture when I needed I needed a furniture breaking soundtrack? Selfish Felix, hogging all the Jayne Mansfield AGAIN. Sometimes it just seems he was born to live in Hollywood. And I mean that from the heart. In the nicest way. Now put on your bikini and get some sun-in for that mop of yours. Semi-stardom awaits.